she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
