dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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