Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
