I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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