haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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