hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
