craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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