Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
