At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
