One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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