I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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