I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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