Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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