Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
