this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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