this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
