At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
