My underwear smells like fireworks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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