Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
