I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My ass is underappreciated
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
