but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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