Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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