shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
