he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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