the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
