I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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