when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
