somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
