Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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