Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
