The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
