yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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