Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
