we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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