I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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