If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
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