she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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