I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
