ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
