Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
