i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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