My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
