My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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