2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
