i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Semen is not good for contacts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I did not marry a roomba.
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