You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
