I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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