she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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