I am puke
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
