I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
