Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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